What If Your Team Held Up a Mirror?

We're often told not to worry about what other people think of us. That what really matters is how we feel about ourselves.

In life, there may be some truth in that. In leadership, however, I believe the opposite is true.

Why? Because leadership isn't about how we experience ourselves. It's about how others experience us.

Think about it for a moment. How can we know if we're communicating clearly if our team doesn't understand what we're saying? How can we know if we're creating trust if our people don't trust us? How can we know if we're empowering our teams if they don't feel empowered? How can we know if we're providing the support our people need if we've never asked them what that support looks like?

As leaders, our intentions matter, but our impact matters even more.

“Awareness is like the sun. When it shines on things, they are transformed.” - Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese Monk

The challenge is that awareness isn't always easy. The person we see in the mirror isn't always the same person our team sees. Not because either view is wrong, but because we're looking from different angles. Great leadership begins when we're curious enough to understand both perspectives.

The Two Types of Awareness

Great leadership starts with two equally important forms of awareness.

The first is self-awareness. This is about taking time to reflect honestly on ourselves. What are we doing well? Where do we need to continue to develop? What habits, assumptions, and behaviours are helping us succeed, and which ones might be getting in our way? Self-awareness requires humility and curiosity, and an acceptance that leadership is a continual learning journey.

The second is awareness from others. This is understanding how our leadership is actually being experienced by the people around us. Not how we think we're showing up. Not what we intended. But what our people actually see, hear, and feel.

This second form of awareness is often the hardest to gain, yet it's where some of the most valuable insights live. Our teams experience our leadership every day. They see the consequences of our decisions, communication, priorities, and behaviours. If we're willing to listen, they can become our greatest teachers.

The challenge is that these two perspectives don't always align.

The Awareness Gap

Over the years, I've worked with thousands of leaders, and one thing has become very clear: most leadership challenges don't stem from bad intentions. In fact, most leaders genuinely want to do a good job and help their people succeed.

Yet our research found that 99.6% of people have experienced a bad boss at some point in their careers. That's a staggering number.

Not because leaders are deliberately trying to be bad bosses, but because many simply don't realise the impact their behaviours are having on others. They may believe they're empowering their team while employees feel unsupported. They may think they're communicating clearly while people feel confused or left in the dark. They may believe they're recognising great work while their team feels invisible.

The gap between intention and impact is often much bigger than we realise.

In fact, it's one of the reasons we created BAT, the Behaviour Awareness Tool. Not as a way to judge leaders, but as a way to hold up a mirror.

What I've loved most since launching it isn't the data, dashboards, or reports. It's the conversations that follow. I've heard leaders say things like, "I genuinely didn't realise this was something I wasn't doing," or "I had no idea this was what my people needed from me." Those aren't moments of failure. They're moments of discovery. They're the point where a blind spot becomes visible, where understanding deepens, and where meaningful change becomes possible. They're the point where awareness begins.

Awareness Creates Choice

One of the most powerful things about awareness is that it creates choice.

Without awareness, we continue doing what we've always done because we don't know there's another option. We repeat behaviours, habits, and patterns without recognising the effect they're having. But the moment awareness shines a light on something, we have a choice. We can continue doing what we've always done, or we can choose a different path.

That's why every meaningful leadership journey starts with awareness. Before we can improve, we need to understand. Before we can change, we need to see.

You can't fix what you can't see. But once you can see it, everything changes.

Reflection Question

If your team could hold up a mirror and show you one thing they wish you understood about your leadership, what do you think it would be?

And perhaps more importantly . . . Would you be curious enough to look?

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If you'd like to hear more about our Behaviour Awareness Tool (BAT), and how it can help your leaders look in the mirror and be more aware, please contact us.